Rant: What do you do when your female friend is a woman-hater?

I am rapidly morphing into someone I hate. I need some alone time to reclaim myself. I need days free of friends or rather, that one particular friend whose way of thinking is the complete opposite of mine. She lays her opinions onto me, opinions I never even asked for and opinions which I so whole heartedly disagree with and which instantly set my pulse racing with anger. She is one of those who thinks girls are train-wrecks waiting to happen and need men to save them from themselves and she is a firm believer in gender essentialism (even though she doesn’t know that’s what it’s called). Woman hatred or belief in the inferiority of our sex are things I cannot stand and which I can’t help speaking out against. I defend women with all of my heart to her smiling disagreement since she is after all the expert on all women even though she judges them before she can even get to know them or understand their lives. The female sex is generally selfish, idiotic, infantile and fucked up, and she, the good religious girl that she is, is the only exception.

I said before that I can’t help speaking out against the shit that spews out of her mouth but lately I’ve been trying to control myself. I have to be nice, be a good friend, don’t be a bitch! But she continues talking her shit. This happens everyday. Every fucking day. But I control myself. I don’t say anything much, and if I do I say it as nicely as possible though my blood is boiling. Sometimes the annoyance makes itself evident in the higher pitch of my voice and I try to make up for it by not speaking out against her antiwoman tirades the next time one of them occurs. Or sometimes I pretend to agree with her to keep the peace.

The problem is that I feel like I am compromising my beliefs by even being friends with her. I feel like I am not being myself by even smiling with her. Sometimes my smiles are genuine but most times they’re as fake as can be. I hate myself for even trying to keep a good face. Why am I doing this? Why do I even need to try to save a friendship that is completely bad for my health? It is so fake and I hate being fake but this girl is my friend. I feel as if though I don’t even like her much, there are other people who I’d get along with even better. And I am confused as to why I feel the need to mask a piece of my soul in order to be friends with a girl, I quite frankly hate. I can’t just up and stop being friends with her. Things are a hell of a lot more complicated than that. I’ve told her secrets and entrusted some of my feelings to her and basically treated her like a friend. But I may have done this in response to her telling me huge fractions of her life story on a daily basis. I had to give back.

But my behaviour is still confusing me. My beliefs are who I am. When someone has opinions that are the antithesis of my opinions, it means that they are the antithesis of me. They are against me. When you hate women for reasons which the patriarchy and religion have used for years to subjugate us, you also hate me. You can’t separate women and me. I am not an exceptional woman. I am just a woman. 

And this friend that I have, who is driving me insane, is someone who shouldn’t even have the honour of being called a woman. 

Advertisements

5 comments on “Rant: What do you do when your female friend is a woman-hater?

  1. thesecond says:

    Your women hates other women as emotional and infantile and herself as better. You can’t stand this woman hate, as it feels like it is the antithesis of your being When you read her behaviour you see that as a manifestation of the “the patriarchy and religion”. That’s why you’re having this sort of issue.

    I’ve seen it a lot with feminists. They see another woman hating on women and wonder how this could happen if she’s not under the thumb of the patriarchy, the source of most wrongs.

    She is insulting other women because she wants to gain the allegiance of men. She wants to portray herself as the good reliable girl and other girls as unreliable bad girls. It’s an old, old issue. You can see similar things with girls calling each other sluts. With that you deny men access to those promiscuous girls and protect him from their seductive influence allowing you to have a long relationship. You can also hurt any girl you dislike for some other reason quite easily. It is a local manifestation of the matriarchy, which uses social manipulation and backstabbing and gossip to control people.

    If any girl other than her was good then that girl would be a potential suitor for her man. She has to carry around that personality at all times so that she can always bring out the weapons to hit any female she dislikes.

    If you want to counter her comments then you need your own subtle weapons of manipulation. If she starts talking about such things say “I don’t listen to gossip.” or “I don’t bad mouth people behind their back.” If she feels like she is violating her own principles by talking about it she’s less likely to talk about it.

    • I understand why lots of women are patriarchy compliant – it’s to get the scraps from the men’s table. That’s the best they can get in this world to make themselves feel complete and they’ll do anything to protect these scraps including throwing other women under the bus. They are also ready to accept the lies and stereotypes about women because it helps them to justify their unfair position in this world, a position they have surrendered to because they feel there’s nothing else for them in this world. A life completely independent of men is too scary to fathom. I understand the psychology of the women who lie at the extreme right end of the patriarchy compliance spectrum because I have so many interactions with them. Anyway, I will take that advice about saying that I don’t want to gossip. Honestly, I really don’t like to badmouth people I don’t know anything or very little about. I kind of hate myself any time I participate in gossip about people I don’t have any issues with but I just go along with it to again keep peace and to fit in so my friends don’t think I’m weird. Honestly, I really do a lot of soul-selling to keep friendships that I would be better off without, I’ve got to really do something about this.

      • thesecond says:

        She isn’t patriarchy compliant or in a weak position or pathological. She’s a fairly normal socially smart woman. A lot of ladies like herself have men eating the scraps from their hands and absolutely under their control. She is a hunter, not the hunted. Underestimate her, see her as simply a weak woman who needs to be saved, and she’ll prove you wrong hard.

        Gossip is pretty useful for keeping friends, yeah. And can be pretty soul crushing.

  2. I don’t want to save this girl! They only way a woman or a girl can be saved is if they save themselves. And trust me, she is very patriarchy compliant. She has built her whole life around compliance and her future husband. She has put aside career options that she could potentially be good at to accommodate a marriage that she is forced by religion and her beliefs about women to get into as soon as possible. I don’t think of her as weak for complying with what society and religion expect of her. Women have to do what they have to do to survive. Even I comply. What I have a problem with is the whole “women are all scum” thing. There’s no reason to throw all women under the bus just to justify the life you’ve chosen. And she treats her bf like he’s some kind of a god or something.

    • thesecond says:

      “They only way a woman or a girl can be saved is if they save themselves.”

      And she’s right where she wants to be.

      “She has built her whole life around compliance and her future husband. She has put aside career options that she could potentially be good at to accommodate a marriage that she is forced by religion and her beliefs about women to get into as soon as possible.”

      By marrying young she gets to chose a better man and have more kids, something I’m sure she wants. It means that if he has a job then she can get more than half his cash if she chooses to divorce him in ten years. She has put aside the career options because she doesn’t like back biting work, and prefers that a man do all that for her. She’s compliant, he’s a slave worker.

      “Women have to do what they have to do to survive. Even I comply. What I have a problem with is the whole “women are all scum” thing. There’s no reason to throw all women under the bus just to justify the life you’ve chosen. And she treats her bf like he’s some kind of a god or something.”

      So he’s probably quite happy being with her and will give her everything she wants. She really doesn’t sound like she’s in that bad a place. She’s not surviving, she’s thriving.

      She’s not trying to justify the life she’s chosen, she’s trying to protect it. She’s doing what most narcissists abusers do, trying to isolate her partner so that no voices of reason or passion can stop her path.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s